PureInsanity 12.20.2012

Trailer Park Extras


Pilot Episode

[To Julian]
Ricky: I don't do as much coke as you do. We're not on the same wave length.
[To Cory and Trevor]
Ricky: Knock knock, boys?
Cory: What?
Ricky: Knock knock.
Cory: Who's there?
Ricky: Two fucking dumb idiots that drive a big piece of shit from the trailer park that don't know when to come buy fucking dope. Now get the fuck out of here!
Ricky: B and E? That's grade ten shit and I'm sick of it.
[To officers investigating the disturbance]
Patrick Lewis: Officers, these guys, they're trying to kill my dog.
Ricky: This man is drunk and he is soliciting us for prostitution.
[Off Camera voice]
Young kid: Hey, Reveen!
[To Julian]
Ricky: Do I fuckin' look like Reveen?
[To Young Kid]
Ricky: Come on down here ya little bastard I'll fuckin' 'Reveen' ya.
Ricky: Apparently people think I look like this man they call Reveen. I don't even know who the fuck Reveen is- apparently he's this ventriloquist or psychic or some guy and I look like him. Which is kinda cool people think I look like a famous person. And that's kinda neat I guess, but I don't like all these little fuckers running around calling me Reveen.
[Static Noise]
Cory: Reveen...
[Trevor laughs]
Cory: I- I mean I call him Reveen too, but he calls me dick. So I'm justified.
Trevor: I'd rather be called a dick than Reveen.
[Chastising Ricky into not fighting an Off Camera Heckler for calling him Reveen]
Julian: No, this is a problem at home that has nothing to do with me. You've got a lot of anger built up inside of you.
[Off Camera to Julian ]
Heckler: Hey Patrick Swayze!
Ricky: See how does that feel?
Julian: Alright--
Ricky: How the fuck does that feel?
Julian: Yeah that's a bad one. Don't worry about it--
Heckler: It's Patrick Swayze and Reveen!
Julian: Did they just call me Patrick Swayze?
Ricky: Yeah they did.
[Three second pause]
Heckler: It's fucking Patrick Swayze and Reveen!
Ricky: You little fuckers.
Heckler: Hey dirty dancing!

Season One (2001)


Take Your Little Gun and Get Out of My Trailer Park

Ricky: Smokes, let's go, gimme some smokes.
Randy: I've only got two left, I'm not giving you any.
Ricky: You're a fucking dick. Lahey, go fuck yourself.
Cyrus: What's that camera doin' there?
Ricky: None of your fuckin' business actually.
Ricky: You better chill out there, heavy metal dick.
Cyrus: Why don't you go back to the bowling alley where you came from helmet head?
[Julian is throwing Cyrus' things out the window]
Cyrus: Hey! That's my shit!!
[Kids come and take Cyrus' things]
Cyrus: Hey! That's my shit!! That's my shit!
Cyrus:(to Julian) Obviously you didn't hear me when I said clear out your own shit. Now, I want a new T.V, I want a V.C.R, and I want my porn tapes replaced because those were the creme de le creme.
[To Cyrus]
Ricky: What are ya filmin' more episodes of Happy Days there, Fonzie?
Ricky: Me and Julian could definitely take care of the Cyrus thing. It's just that, Number One: we're on probation. Which is no big deal, but you know I don't really wanna go back to jail. And number two or three, or whatever the fuck number we're on...
Julian: I want you outta that car in two days though, Ricky.
Ricky: No more than two weeks, I promise.
Julian: What the hell happened to my trailer boys?!
Cory: Okay, chill. There's this guy named Cyrus. He just moved in here, there was nothing we could do about it. He has a gun, and he's nuts.
Fuck Community College, Let's Get Drunk and Eat Chicken Fingers

[Ricky is asleep in the Shitmobile, Bubbles knocks on the roof, waking Ricky up with a start]
Bubbles: I want my kitty.
Ricky: Frig off, Bubbles! You gave me the cat!
Bubbles: I didn't say you could keep him, and I don't want him living in a fuckin' car!
Ricky: Bubbles, you got tons of cats. Let me keep him.
Bubbles: He was a loaner! I loaned him to you.
Ricky: Well, I need him! Look at my weed plants! One of them's dead.
Bubbles: I don't give a flyin' fuck! I didn't... never said you could keep him.
Ricky: What are you doing waking me up so early?
Bubbles: No cat of mine's gonna live in a car! Julian!
[Julian storms out of his trailer]
Julian: Will both of you guys shut up!
Bubbles: Ricky won't give me my kitty!
Julian: Ricky, give him his cat!
Ricky: It's my cat now! He gave it to me!
Julian: I don't care! Give him his cat!
[Ricky reaches into the back seat and grabs a potted plant]
Ricky: Look... You see that? You know why it's dead? Because a squirrel peed in it! That's why I need the cat. He protects my weed plants! I got four plants left, guys. That's all I got left in my life. Please let me have one cat to protect my plants!
Bubbles: Here's what I know, Ricky. If you love something, let it go. If it comes back, ya own it. If it doesn't, ya don't own it! And if it doesn't, you're an asshole, just like you!
[Bubbles slams the door lock down so Ricky can't get out of the car]
Julian: (to Ricky) Stay in the car!
[ Julian grabs the cat carrier out of the back seat and gives it to Bubbles]
Julian: Bubbles, take your cat! Get out of here! Ricky, you stay in the car!
[Ricky struggles to get the door open]
Ricky: You let me out of this car right now!
[Ricky punches the car door repeatedly]
Julian: Calm down!
Ricky: Fuckin' let me out of here! I want that cat back! I need him!
Julian: Bubbles, get out of here! Calm down, Ricky.
Ricky: I just got woken up in the middle of a great dream and I'm pissed off!
Ricky: Yeah, me and Lucy broke up again and it sucks. You know, I'm not real happy about it but it's one of those things, I guess. Hopefully she'll come around... Bubbles, get off my property!
Bubbles: (off camera) Go fuck yourself, Ricky!
Ricky: And hopefully she'll take me back. Until then I'm perfectly happy living in this car and hopefully she'll come around soon, I guess. Bubbles, frig off and get off my property!
[Ricky and Bubbles square off like boxers]
Bubbles: You fuckin' want one?
[Julian talks to the camera inside his trailer, while through the window Ricky and Bubbles are grappling in the front yard]
Julian: I was at a party a long time ago at Ricky's house, and um... I think Lucy was about eighteen or something...
Lucy: I met Julian at a party when I was like seventeen or whatever and... I mean, it was... it was a long time ago and... You know, nothing really happened.
Julian: Anyway, we got, uh, really drunk and ate a shitload of mushrooms, and... I experienced memory loss and woke up and she was naked in bed with me. I don't think anything happened, but... I don't know, I just got out of there.
[Ricky and Bubbles are still grappling in the front yard when Lucy walks up with Trinity]
Ricky: Bubbles, just a second, please! Lucy! What are you doing here?
Lucy: I'm leaving Trinity with Julian. I need a little vacation.
Ricky: What about her father? I can take care of my own daughter.
Lucy: (mockingly) Great! Trinity, why don't you get your stuff and go stay in the car with Daddy? Perfect!
Ricky: What, the back seat of a car's not good enough for you now?
[Ricky fills up a pitcher of Kool-Aid with a garden hose that's duct taped to the side of his car]
Ricky: You know, ever since you guys have been around with your TV cameras, Julian's changed. You know, he's getting all frustated and he's taking his problems out on me and other people in the park... It's crazy! He lives in there in a palace and he's all stressed out! I live out here in a car and I've got everything I need and I'm happy! I mean, this is my home. So I don't know what his problem is.
Lahey: Ricky, do you want me to ask my friends down at the police station if it's okay for you to be drunk in a public place and carrying a loaded handgun while you're on probation?
Ricky: Why do you start doing your job instead of making false incriminations all the time?
Lahey: Why don't you get a life, Rick? Why don't you go to community college like Julian here? Hey! I got a good idea! You could teach Living In A Car and Growing Dope 101!
Ricky: And you could teach how to get drunk, get fired from the police force, become a lousy trailer park supervisor that sucks, hangs around with a fucking idiot that doesn't wear a shirt and looks like a dick but thinks he looks good, 101.
[Julian storms out of his trailer and unplugs Ricky's toaster oven from the outdoor power outlet]
Ricky: What are you doing, Julian! The chicken fingers aren't even cooked! You want us to get sasparilla or something, you dick! Julian, I'm trying to cook some lunch here for me and my...
Julian: Get out of my way.
[Julian takes the keys out of the car, turning off the loud blues music]
Ray: (drunkenly) What are you doing with the tunes, Julian?!
Julian: Get off my property, Ray!
[Julian grabs Ray's wheelchair and rolls him out of the yard]
Ray: What? Wha... No, hey, ho, wait!
Ricky: (to Julian) Take it easy, take it easy, man!
Ray: Nah, forget it Ricky! If he doesn't want me here I'm goin' man! I'm not wanted here!
Ricky: It's my property!
Ray: Nah, forget it! Come on down to my house, I got lots of chicken fingers down there, man!
Julian: This is my car, this is my property, and this is my toaster! I want you out of here!
[Julian dumps Ricky's chicken fingers out of the toaster oven]
Ricky: I can't believe you just did that! Those are the good kind! Eight bucks!
Mr. Lahey's Got My Porno Tape!
Julian: (to camera crew) Boys, check out Ricky pickin' up some butts!
[Ricky is crouched next to a bus stop trash can, picking cigarette butts up off of the ground]
Julian: Hey, Ricky! Find any good ones?
Ricky: (to camera) What?! Yeah, like you guys have never smoked a butt, eh? 'Oh, look at Ricky smoking cigarette butts!' I'm sick of this shit! I'm sick of your TV show and I'm sick of you and I'm sick of everybody! I'm moving to Toronto!
[Lahey rolls past, slowly]
Ricky: I'm especially sick of this dick! Get the fuck out of here, Lahey!
[Lahey drives off]
Ricky: Fuck it, man. I'm moving to Toronto and I'm gonna be a street person! I don't care.
Julian: Rick, think about it. You don't got no money, man! What are you gonna do? How are you gonna get out there?
Ricky: I don't know yet, but I'm gonna get out there.
[J-ROC and T roll up in a Volvo]
J-ROC: What's goin' on, honkeys?!
Ricky: J-ROC?
J-ROC: Damn you stank! You should put some Old Spice and some Brüt up in that ma-fucka!
Ricky: Listen, I'm not in the mood today, alright? So unless you've got two grand you wanna lend me, get the fuck out of my face!
T: Hey man, take it easy...
Ricky: No, I'm sick of this shit! I'm sick of all you guys! I'm sick of this park...
J-ROC: Actually... If you wanna make some scrilla, you pop by my crib. I'll tell ya how to make all kinds of money. I'm serious, too!
Ricky: You're gonna make me some money?
J-ROC: I'll make you tons of money! Know what I'm sayin'? Pop by my crib. (to Julian) 'Scuse me, Gorilla. We da fuck out!
Ricky: Well if you're serious, I'll be down there in about an hour! (to Julian) Looks like I'm not moving to Toronto!